Day One. Complete.

I gave Facebook the “AXE” last night. I thought for sure I would log back into it on my phone at some point during the day today. I did not. In a weird way, that only other fellow “forget facebook” er’s could understand, it was like permanently checking a chore off my daily to-do list. A chore that had started to consume me. A chore that never ended. Today, I read 7 books to my kids. We went and did some interactive grocery shopping and I left my phone in the car. My compter stayed off during the day while the kids were awake. I feel strangely freed. My brain wasn’t thinking on and off all day about something someone had posted, or whether or not my comment or input could be taken the wrong way, or how I should have said “A” instead of “B” but didn’t, etc, etc, etc. I felt focused. I could finish feeding the kids, clean the kitchen and start the next activity with out checking my phone or thinking how I should update my status with “Landon did this or Riley did that”. I feel strangely liberated. I had no idea that doing this would make me feel so much less overwhelmed. Over all I would say this is a great start to the summer. 🙂

Life in the slow lane…

I SO wish I could be in the slow lane. These days things just fly by.  Just yesterday I had a baby. And by yesterday, I mean, almost 3 years ago. And just this morning I birthed a baby that is almost 8 months old already. And do you know what I remember the most about bringing my first baby home? How much fun it was to play FarmTown with my sister on the computer. And do you know what I remember the most about being on bedrest for 6 weeks with my second baby? How I could play Cityville for hours if I wanted to. And that no one interrupted me. And by no one, I mean a 2 year old wanting my attention. I actually have tears in my eyes right now. Knowing that facebook has/had become an actual addiction makes me want to cry and scream and kick something. But alas-this will do me no good. On ward and upward. I don’t want to loose another minute of these beautiful little boys and what they want so badly to share with me and only me. I want to feel attached. Undistracted. Those countless times of posting pictures and then spending the rest of the day reading comments from people that I hardly stay in contact with anymore. Things are changing. Facebook has been deleted off my phone. Facebook will be deactivated tomorrow evening. Life will start Friday morning when I wake up and don’t see my computer sitting open on the counter. Or see the app on my phone first thing when I check the time in the morning. Cable got the axe a couple months ago and seriously, if we could live with out internet I would. (but the hubs puts some pretty elaborate bread and butter on the table because of said internet.) My phone will live on a shelf in the kitchen. My computer will live on a desk down stairs. The TV will live in the garage. And we will spend a summer of reading, building, making mud pies and making messes in the kitchen. I am so blessed by my friend who is doing the same things but more to the extreme. Here is another great blog post by her and again, she speaks my exact thoughts that I can’t put into words.

weirder still…

The other day my sister called me. We talk several times a week – a blessing of modern technology. Even from the far-off land of Australia, we still can talk almost daily.”I’m getting weirder.” I told her. That was the day we sold our TV. Last night, I got even weirder. Now, by “weirder” I just mean, going against the mainstream. Doing my own thing. In this day and age is it weird for someone not to have a TV. Not that the TV is bad in and of itself, but a large portion of what is on the thing aren’t very good/godly/appropriate/etc. I didn’t like that it was so easy to turn on some entertaining trashy show while the kids napped. I can think of lots of better ways to spend my time. But I didn’t. I watched TV. So we canceled our Netflix. Then we sold the TV.

So I spent my time so much better, right?

I’m not sure facebook is any better.

Facebook in and of itself isn’t a bad thing. But when I lack the self control to turn it off and pick up my Bible, it’s a problem. When I find myself looking at Facebook while talking to my husband, it’s a problem. I didn’t want to turn Facebook off, I needed to.

So I “deactivated” my account. Facebook assured me that they would save all my information so when I changed my mind it would be there waiting for me. Oh goodie.

I’m reading this book, maybe I’ve linked it recently? It’s called Almost Amish (You can read the first chapter free on Amazon! Check it out!). No, I’m not going to be Amish now. But I might be kind of Amish… I’ve only just finished the second chapter (read: it’s hard to read with children using you for a jungle gym and an easel at the same time). But every time I pick up my book (read: kindle) even if I only get a little nugget I find myself saying “Yes! This is what I want!”

So, I am now Facebook and TV free.

Wonder what will go next…?

But I just have to say, I really don’t miss it, and it feels rather freeing. I’m now free to be fully present with my children and my husband and most importantly, my God. Yes, I always was free to be present, but I didn’t often make the best choices. Now I choose family. And love. And ministry.

Everything I do is for a reason and has a purpose. I love it. When I just feel like “wasting time” I read to my kids. Or let then draw on my face with markers (read: this is why I only buy washable). Or mop my kitchen floor.

Another thing – just to throw this out there – I’m doing is selling things. Extra things… pretty much everything. If it’s not essential to our home, it needs to go. Extra clothes are being given away. Toys are finding new homes. We are making space to live and play and build forts and play dress up. And the things I sell? Don’t miss them a bit.

What I do miss is the time I wasted not being present with my family. But no more. It’s already going really, really fast (the growing they do) – I’m not going to miss another minute. Happy sigh.

If I could put into words why I am leaving facebook. These would be the words.

A few nights ago, a dear friend of mine and I were chatting online. We were talking about how we were both purging our facebook “friends” and why. And I was saying how I was even going as far as to block people so that they think that I fell off the face of the earth completely. I then mentioned that I was almost to the point of completely severing the ties between me and a 300 faces that were merely that. A face. Now, don’t get me wrong. I LOVE to hear about random chit chat. I am the queen of quoting ridiculous conversations my hubs and I have or sharing that picture about how ALL the coffee beans in Columbia won’t make me a morning person. Or how WE HAVE A NEW TOOTH. Or whatever. But somewhere in there, I realized that I am missing all the random blibber blabber my two year old has to say to me. I am missing the smiles and fun that the 7mo old wants to have with me. I am missing the quiet times when my mind can just go vacant for a while. I am missing something. And I realized that its REAL life. Real People. Real Friends. My friend deactivated her account that night. I said I was going to wait a few days because I wanted to make sure that I had all the phone numbers I wanted. Tomorrow facebook gets the AXE. I love you all. My friend wrote an email to her friends and I wish I had the way with words that she does…because if I did, this is what I would say to you.

-to my unfriends
An open letter to my friends, family, people I knew in high-school, obscure relatives, neighbors, church members, college chums, acquaintances from the library/mom’s group/swim class/pediatrician’s office/etc, and the checker from the supermarket:

I have unfriended you on Facebook. You should not take it personally. I unfriended Facebook as well. You see, Facebook and I – we have different agendas. We were able to coexist for a time, and ending the relationship was bittersweet. Much like when the plant you work hard to kill for 2 years finally dies (don’t judge – it was an awful, ugly plant drug out of the dumpster by a husband who shall remain nameless). Facebook and I have been in a loveless relationship for some time now. Yet I kept pouring time and energy into the relationship and getting very little return – other than wasted time.

The reason I chose to delete my account is two-fold. Maybe tri-fold. I feel like I’m talking about diapers now. Anyhow – the main reason is this – at the end of nearly every day I would lay in bed and think about how I wish I had time to read and study my Bible more. Then slowly the realization that I DID have the time, I just chose to spend those valuable moments on social networking rather than spiritual networking would hit me. Every night. Finally, I caught on. Facebook for me has become more important that growing in God. Yet I claimed that was the main priority in my life. See how that wasn’t really working out? So, when a hand causes you to sin, cut it off, right?

The second reason Facebook got my boot in it’s butt was because I had too many friends. Not everyone participates in Facebook, some more than others. I was spending time reading/investing/Facebook stalking people that quite frankly, I have no relationship with. High school chemistry was over 13 years ago. So many “friends” on my list aren’t people I would even stop and chat with at the supermarket. I want to spend my time investing is lasting, fulfilling relationships. Real ones. With people I know in real life. I love Skype. I talk to my sister (who lives something like 4 million light years away) nearly every day. My mom, dad, grandparents, in-laws, aunts, cousins, and several close friends, all of which are spread across the globe all are on there. And we get to see each other smile when we talk. And we have to stop talking sometimes because we’re laughing or crying so hard. It’s the next best thing to holding their hands. As far as internet applications go, it’s really a beautiful thing.

The third reason I made this decision was because, while there are several people on Facebook (who I do deeply miss chatting with so easily) there were more people I didn’t care about. No, it’s not that I didn’t care about them – I do care very much for their souls. I just just care what they had for breakfast. Or what their dog threw up. I’m not referencing anything specific at all, so if you recently posted about either topic please don’t feel this is about any specific person or situation. I’m just over it. For now. When I return to Facebook (read: I will be back most likely) it will be after reason #1 is firmly rooted in my habitual system. I also will not be “networking” and friending only people I am, well, actually friends with (refer to #2).

So, I’m sorry for the hurt feelings. Consider my offer to Skype, talk on the phone, or visit in person in exchange. Do not be offended. The offense was on my part to my awesome God that I let it get as bad as it did. I figured I’d get some flack for it, but really, it’s not about you. And it’s not about me. It’s about my God. Upward not inward. And I’m finally going to bed tonight feeling blessed by a much better Face and a much better Book.

Try Try again.

I feel that its time to give an “honest” update on how the “eat clean diet” is going…

Well, I should back up. I feel that it’s time to give an “honest” update on how this YEAR is going. Its May. We moved in March. We are moving in May. I have been busy. I have been overwhelmed. I have been cold and damp and rained on. A LOT. I have felt secluded and lonely in my upstairs condo that requires an elevator to exit. I haven’t done much this year. Besides move. And by move I mean pack up way more crap than any one family should own and move it. Load by load by load by load. by load. by load. by looooaaddddd.  We barely have unpacked here, and here I am, packing it all back up. Its fun. I like it a lot. Moving makes me so cheery and happy and motivated to go above and beyond in the kitchen. (insert dripping sarcasm here)

So anyway, we have been able to maintain about %70 clean in the kitchen. Stuff like sweetners, peanut butters, sauces, dressings, oils, etc, have much improved and we will never go back to JIF, Mrs. Butterworth, white sugar or white flour, canola oil and margarin. We do struggle with some things still, like pre-made products and some processed foods. We just watched “Forks over knives” last night and I am re-inspired to simplify my life, my things, my schedule and get back to this years goal of eating clean and loosing weight. I have lost a whooping 7 whole pounds this year so far. (boooo hisss) I have a plan though. My friend Katie and my friend Merrie Beth and I are going to hit the WWVA track with a vengeance. 2.5 miles a day, 5 days a week is my goal. My other goal is no more Ranch dressing, feta cheese by the cup full, and butter by the gallon. I can do this…I can do this…I WILL do this.

They say…Life is about change, nothing ever stays the same. “They” were right. During my pregnancy with Riley (who is pushing 8mo old already:) we thought I had arthritis in a couple of fingers. It turned out to be Trigger Finger. My hands swollen and achey and I feel like a 90 year old women. They aren’t super painful, just achey. And ANNOYING. Part of our decision to make the move back to Walla Walla is due to my hands. I have carpel tunnel syndrome, trigger finger and some other weird something that I can’t remember or pronounce. Basically every night, my fingers curl up into my hand and then my whole hand falls asleep. In the morning, or when I get woken up by my hands tingling, I have to work each finger back out and they click and pop at every joint/knuckle. Its fun. I like it a lot. Each surgery is a 6week stint in a cast. I have been blessed beyond measure to have a small town with several friends and a lot of family all in close proximity. The start of the surgeries will be my left middle finger. That one is the worst by far. Then the right middle finger, then my ring fingers on both hands. Then my wrists. And as soon as all that is done, I will probably be ready for my other fingers to be “un-triggered”. Trigger finger is pretty simple. Its just a nodule that grows on the tendon at the end of each finger that causes the “pulley’s” when your fingers bend to catch.

My doctor told me that this is fairly common in women who have an auto immune disease. And in women over forty who have had an auto immune disease for a long time. I am pushing 30 and have had diabetes for 18 almost 19 yrs. So I guess I have had a pretty good run with avoiding this issue until now.

So, here is to a summer/fall full of casts and a winter full of no more clicking fingers!!! 🙂

The Simple (er) Life.

For the past few weeks I have had this overwhelming feeling. A feeling that I am missing out on REAL life. A feeling that my kids are growing like weeds under my arms as I browse the internet, chat with friends, play on facebook, update my blogs, check on my Etsy store…and so on. I feel distracted. Detached. and GUILTY. No more. See you later facebook. See you later, funny little games I used to play. See you later random internet browsing. I will keep up with my store on Etsy. I will update my blog once a week or every couple weeks. For now, I am saying hello to a summer of fun, friends, a big back yard. A life full of real voices. Real faces. Real flesh. A life full of giggling little kids, pop sicles, friends stopping by, walking, soap making, thrift store shopping and improving my cooking/baking skills.

I will post more about my surgeries and our move later. In the meantime, my email address is n_lutton@yahoo.com. Email me if you would like my phone number 🙂

What are we feeding? A pack of Chipmunks???

This question was asked in all seriousness from my hubby as he helped me unpack one of 11 paper bags of groceries. “what are we doing with all these seeds, berries, nuts, twigs, tree bark. Have we turned into a bunch of hippies? And what the heck is THIS thing???”

Oh I love my husband. He is so dear. And he is so supportive. He has said to me more than once, ” I don’t understand it, but I will support it” what an amazing gift he is giving me. A gift to grow, thrive and figure out who “Me” is.

I re-read the first blog I blogged. About diabetes and denial. I read it about once every couple weeks. Something about it keeps me motivated. Being diabetic is hard work. Mentally, physically and the hardest one is emotionally. I have to be on my A game all day everyday. Some days I feel like there needs to be four of me to get everything done. I am realizing that I make life a lot more complex than it needs to be. I think I can simplify life a lot buy simply creating a routine that is “Me” and that fits MY family. I need to stop looking at friends, family and strangers for fulfillment. I want to start looking at myself, figuring out who I am and who I want to be and start working my life around that.

God. Food. Money. in my mind equals Stress. Stress. Stress. This year is about searching and creating ways to cope, understand and enjoy God, food and money. I feel like I am doing much better in the God area. I run a pretty constant silent conversation with Him on a daily basis. Asking, thanking, begging, crying, yelling…you name it He hears it. Money. Well that just has to wait. Just when we get a breather, in rolls another tidal wave of medical bills. I am beginning to accept that fact that we quite possible will always owe money to the medical field. Such is life.

Food. Food is my battle of choice this year. And it started while I was pregnant with Riley. I started seeing a dietician on a weekly basis when I first found out I was pregnant. I was eating marginally well. I had Landon on a pretty tight routine and was doing eating pretty close to the same time everyday. Snacking and grazing has always been a habit of mine. When I started seeing Joanie every week she would ask me very pointed questions about why my blood sugars were the way they were. One day she said to me “these numbers are awful, I am afraid you are going to come in here one of these days with a dead baby”. Obviously, being human, this disturbed me greatly. Not only the talk of mis carrying, but the talk of my recent issues with high cholesterol and triglycerides due to my out of control blood sugars. I started having nightmares about my baby dying, about having a stroke and being paralyzed and about being a “vegetable” that had to be cared for around the clock. Let’s just say…those night mares lit a few additional firecrackers under my hind end. Here we go…Eat Clean, Drink Water, Start an exercise Routine, and Check my blood sugars and keep track of my insulin like no other Mother. This year is going to rock my socks off. I can’t wait to see what I look like and how I feel on January 1st 2013.

Lazy Lethargic Lard.

I know. I know. I know. I need to “Cut myself some slack” “give myself a break” “have some patience” after all…”You JUST had a baby 9 weeks ago.” 

I don’t care. I had a baby 9 weeks ago and have been motivated to get this weight off 3 months before I  even found out I was pregnant. I had joined the Mill Creek YMCA. I faithfully got up, ate breakfast, bathed and fed Landon and took off to the Y with my iPhone/headphones and beat the belt to death on a treadmill for 90min a day. We found out I pregnant in February. I figured I would still go to the Y. I wasn’t counting on 16 weeks of severe nausea, constipation, lethargy, ZERO motivation to do anything besides eat dry sourdough bread and drink Ginger ale. Here I am, 11 months later. Lazy, Lethargic, Lardy, and BORED. I am so bored of eating the same thing day in, day out. I am so bored of grocery shopping and cooking the same things. I am bored of having to eat three meals a day. Food is so…Boring to me. I am fat because I am lazy and don’t care about what I eat. I am fat because I am five feet tall and birthed giant babies that stretched my tummy out to the moon and back. I am fat because I would rather play on Facebook than do my exercises while the kids nap. I am fat because I don’t take care of myself. I am fat because I make excuse after excuse after excuse. Here I am. 5ft tall. 149.8lbs. Bored. Tired. Miserable. Counting down the minutes until Landon takes a nap and I can go nap with Riley. What a boring, tired, miserable existence. No worries though. THIS is MY year. My year to do something with myself. I have a plan. I have a big plan. I have motivation. I have excitement. I have a beautiful man on my side that encourages, helps and motivates me to be better. I have 2 little boys that I want nothing more than to chase them in the yard, chase them down the ski hill, swim, hike, bike, long board, jog, rollerblade, skate board, snowboard…you name it. This mama is GOING to do that with her boys. I have several things that I must conquer first. Like being able to get up off the floor after sitting in one postion for a while and not falling over or having a “dead leg” or listening to all my joints crack back into place. My word. I am 28. What has happened to me??? Ack!!!

I believe that my plan will take longer than a year. I think there are parts of it I can accomplish quickly and other parts that will take the back burner and will take some major “trial and error” approaches. In a nutshell. I have put my family on the “Eat Clean Diet” 

 

More to follow.

 

 

Time Flies

Its been a long time since I have posted. Something about 5wks of in hospital bed rest and caring for a new born and a 2yr old makes the days go by VERY quickly. The rest of my pregnancy went okay. I ended up in the Hospital Sept 8th until Oct 13th due to mainly Insulin resistance and some blood pressure concerns. I spent five weeks waiting and patiently brewing the youngest family member. We made it to 36wks on the day. Riley Benjamin Lutton was born October 10, 2011. He weighed 7lbs 6.5oz. The delivery was by C-Section and he was delivered at 7:20pm at Kirkland Evergreen Hospital. Mom and Grama were here at our house holding down the fort. It was SO nice to have them both here and I am so grateful that everything went so much smoother this go around 🙂 Since I have been home, I have had a fire cracker under my bum to get my life in order. And with the new year rolling in, no better time to start than now.

Thankful.

I have been sleeping better at night the past few nights. I have also been able to nap a couple hrs each day. Let me tell you…that makes a HUGE difference in how I feel. Not only physically, but mentally and emotionally.

On Friday I went in for my routine Dietitian/Diabetes appointment. I have gained 13 lbs of fluid since last Monday. I also found out that the “arthritic” finger is actually “trigger finger” and that I will have to have surgery to get it to “un-lock”. I think I may have that looked into sooner than later. I can’t imagine wearing a cast for 6 weeks after the baby is born. Or anytime with in the first 2 years of his life. I am really hoping I can go get it taken care of soon so that I will be healed by the time Riley enters the world.

The basic feel from Fridays appointment-My time is limited until Preclampsia sets in. My blood pressure was 130/84 and I have 13 extra lbs of water. My ankles are already starting to show signs of pitting edema.

This is about the exact same time frame that Preclamspia showed up with Landon. I started swelling around week 28 and was admitted around week 31 and delivered Landon at 33wk 1day gestational age. I am REALLY hoping I can buy an extra week or two with this little one. I am not looking forward to a repeat of a month in the NICU and all the other fun stuff that went along with being so sick. Prayers Prayers Prayers for a few more weeks at least. Bed rest can’t happen before 32 weeks this time. I WON’T ALLOW IT!